Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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