It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
