Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
