do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
