That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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