So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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