I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize