I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
