fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
