This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
