We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize