3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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