Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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