dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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