So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
