if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
