Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
