My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
