Where are you?
In a non slutty way
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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