Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize