I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
