Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
