Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
