i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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