Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Buhtt sex?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
