im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
