Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
