Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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