I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
