i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
