I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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