Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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