Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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