Kiss
Puke
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
