the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
