Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
