I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
