Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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