I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
