Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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