I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
