We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
