haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
