Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
