Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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