So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
