Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
