My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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