Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
