I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I believe in your delicious
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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