I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
