i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
