I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
