I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
