i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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