And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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