just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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