Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
