Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
