the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
