we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
