you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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