were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ttyl tear gas
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
