Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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