Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
