u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
