All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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