Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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