I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
