Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
