Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
