You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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