ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
