dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
