My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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