I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize