Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The Olympian is in my bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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